Are you married, or thinking about tying the knot? Maybe you should realize that marriage isn't for you.
Blogger Seth Adam Smith is getting a lot of his attention for his article "Marriage Is Not For You."
He wrote the article after a year and a half of marriage. After the initial outrage from reading the title, people realized what he meant was marriage is not ABOUT YOU. Instead, marriage is about making your partner and children happy.
Smith recalls a conversation with his dad after he was having second thoughts about marrying his high school best friend. That's when his dad planted advice in his head that later helped him when his marriage was experiencing road bumps:
‘More than that, your marriage isn't for yourself, you're marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn't for you. It's not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.'
After this conversation, Smith started looking at his own relationship with his girl Kim. He realized that he had "forgotten … dad's advice. While Kim's side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better."
A lot of people now thank Smith for his moving article that reminds them of what marriage is really about.
Commentator Staci wrote, "Thank you for this. I needed this more than I can say." Anna replied to her in agreement, "Me too Staci."
On Smith's Huffington Post guest column, a reader writes:
When a person goes into relationship with a 'What's in it for me?' mentality, there tends to be an agenda - a list of things that the person is expecting to come out of the relationship. A problem is that what happens in a person's day-to-day life rarely matches their predetermined images of happiness and fulfillment we have created. Having an agenda is the most sure-fire way to end up feeling disappointed and being troubled with ideas that there is something out there that will make those unmet expectations happen.
Equally, many people have brought up other counter arguments that are equally valid for example, a commentator on the article by the name of Sasha added a caveat to the "true marriage is never about you" assertion:
This statement is true, AND ONLY TRUE, if the other person you are sharing your life with sees, understands and lives by this mantra! True marriage, or any close relationship for that matter, should never be about you or the other person. It should be about "us"…. For your statement to be 100% true, both individuals need to be of the same awareness to these things. Not just one person.
On the marriage subreddit, one of the highest voted comments also took issue with part of Smith's argument, it says, "This also makes the assumption that the point of getting married is to have children, which really does not apply to every couple."
Watch the Good Day segment to see what the anchors thought about Smith's blog.