Do-Nothing-Dave, our part-time mayor, has snuck-out of town again, relaxing in an undisclosed location. Maybe that's a good thing after a week that began with Hizzoner whining that the emergency manager isn't listening to him.
He sounded as shrill as Reese Witherspoon at a traffic stop. Filling in this week as acting mayor is Bing's mouthpiece, Bob Warfield, normally his communications director.
Warfield is an old television news producer. How that's a qualification to be acting mayor is beyond me. Remember, I work in TV News. It's not a pretty thing.
Then again, why not? Warfield as the acting mayor acting like the mayor who is actually just a man acting like he's the mayor since his mayoral powers have been stripped by the emergency manager is not that much of a stretch.
And in that spirit, let me offer a short list of things acting Mayor Warfield can accomplish in his few remaining days in office. Things that could cement his legacy as one of Detroit's greats:
· Announce the hiring of Cincinnati Police Chief James Craig. I am told Chief Craig's hiring as Detroit's top cop is imminent and will be announced in a few days. Warfield can hire him now and take the credit.
· Mayor Warfield can get rid of some of his two-dozen mayoral security cops and reinvest the money into buying bullet-proof vests for cops who actually work the streets. The city has stopped purchasing them because of non-payment problems with vendors, I'm told. Treating cops like they matter is a good thing for a mayor to do.
· Announce cost-cutting measures. For instance, the mayoral staff will now be required to use BOTH sides of the Charmin.
· Make Bing's long-time pal Emmett Moten pay up on the city backed loans for his downtown hotel. If Moten won't pay up, foreclose on the hotel and turn it into a community theater where Mayor Bing and the City Council can pretend they're actually doing something.
· Lease out the rest of the city to Dan Gilbert. Everything except Belle Isle. Give that back to the Algonquin Indians who can develop a casino to compete with Gilbert's. Tell the people capitalism and competition is good!
· Fire the custodians at City Hall and hire the FBI to mop things up.
· Throw a party at the Manoogian Mansion. Invite strippers but be sure to ban wives. And for goodness sake, be proud of it!
We wish you luck Mr. Acting Mayor……Carpe Diem!
205 N. Michigan Avenue
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